Times A' Changing

How times have changed.


Before when two people would meet, they would go out first, get to know each other, and then decide if they wanna enter into relationship. After which, they would be intimate with each other.


Now, people meet up using false names and identity , and then hit the sack right away. After getting laid, they decide whether to get to know each other or move on to another hook-up.


C'est la vie.

Bedridden

An acquaintance told me his first impression of me. He confessed:

"Iba ka sa mga namimeet ko, kase hindi ka pang-kama..."

Was he paying me a compliment? Or must I be insulted by his comment?

I'm a bit baffled.

Sorry

While driving southbound, bigla na lang nagflashback sa akin ang mga taong nasabihan ko ng "NO"...

As I am writing this, I realize na two letters lang pala ang salitang NO pero napakapowerful nito. May kapangyarihan itong mangwasak ng mga pangarap, manakit ng mga damdamin, at marahil, mag-iwan pa ng sugat na sagad hanggang kaluluwa.

Hindi ko sinasadya. Hindi ko ginusto...Yeah right.

Hindi ako nagsasabi ng katotohanan...

May mga instances siguro na sinadya ko, kase naman clingy na. Ayaw ko nang ganun. Ang usapan, "trip" lang. Pag gusto lang, pag horny lang. Walang pilitan, walang expectations. Kung one night lang eh wala nang extension yun. Pag ganun, bad trip yun. Ayaw ko na, kaya "NO" na lang sa lahat.

Meron naman feeling BF kagad. Nag-eemote na; feeling may hold na sayo...Kailangang sabihan na rin ng "NO".

Alam ko masakit , but I just had to say NO para matigil na ang pretense, ang charade, ang trip na kunwari may feelings. Mas ok na ang one hard blow kesa i-prolong pa ang agony. Mas masakit ata yun in the long run.

I'm just sorry. I had to do it. For your sake. For world peace.

Falling Tree

Noong college, sa Philo class, laging itinatanong kung ano ang tunog ng pagbagsak ng puno sa kagubatan kung wala naman tao sa gubat at nakarinig nito?


May saysay ba ang blog na ito kung wala naman nagbabasa?


Sana may bumasa at may ma-touch ito.

Fallen

Of course, I am my own person.

I do as I think. I do as I feel, and I do as I please. I am in control of my life. Life is theater for me. It is my stage play. It is my show. I am the actor. I am the playwright, and I am the director. I plot out my scenes for the day, do the blocking in my mind, and I execute them on the stage that is my life. I make things happen. I am in control. I run the show.

But then sometimes, I slip. I forget my lines. I deviate from my internalization.
I admit to lapses in judgment. I have had tendencies to veer away from my orbit, much to my dismay and disdain.

Such as today.

Gratitude

With the recent events I see on TV, I couldn't help but be grateful about a lot of things. I have always had the propensity to dwell on what's lacking and absent; and failed to see the blessings I have in my life:

1. my Mum who's my number 1 supporter, defender, troubleshooter all rolled in one;
2. my kid sister who's like a barkada of sort now;
3. my family and relatives;
4. all my loyal friends;
5. my job (in spite of...); and
6. for being loved.

I am also grateful for the opportunities to read good books, watch good films (and DL 'em too LOL), see good theater plays, travel, eat good food, for laughter, for good conversations with people, for great ideas...

The proverbial cup overflows.

Namimilosopiya

There was this Philosophy teacher in college whose reputation for greatness has always preceded him among all students. His class was the most coveted, the first one to be signed up in full. I never got in; I just read his books in class as required reading for all four semesters of my junior and senior year in college. I know he is great.

Anyway, there's this well-known anecdote about this teacher who taught his Philo class in Filipino. People say that some girl in his class raised her hand and said that she couldn't fully comprehend the subject matter because it was in Filipino. The teacher was infuriated and shouted at her, "Putangina!" Bewildered, the girl was flushed in embarrassment, she was nearly in tears in front of everyone in class. The professor went on to say, "Di ba, mas may impact sa Tagalog?" He walked away.

My point : As I try to unleash my secrets from my Pandora's box, I would be making my cases in point well if I write in Filipino. "Mas feel, mas warm", sabi nga ng isang TVC. Agree naman ako.

ABC's in a Box

I'm gonna be opening up the Pandora's box on my next post.

Consider it a confession of my sins. I am confessing because I hope for reconciliation with my self. Concupiscence has taken over me. I have gone astray and I need this ritual to be rid of my brokenness, to be one with my self again.

As in the sacrament, I intend to be given absolution. I wanna see the proverbial light at the end of the dark tunnel I am about to enter.

I'm feeling cold. But I am determined.

Oh where are the Muses?

Spilling The Beans

Someone pointed out to me that I never lived up to the premise of this blog, i.e. I never really told the exploits of my pseudo-self, aka Dencio Padilla.

Fine.

You'll hear from him soon.

Things will unravel.

Events will unfold.

Characters will be named.

Catharsis?

Yup. I'm betting my cute tush.

It's That Time

The blues have settled in...

Let me drown in this mania for a while.

Must snap out of it soon.

The soonest.

Soap and Sap

"Mahal mo ba ako?"

"Di ko alam."

"I guess you'll never know."

Blech!

I cringe.

The Affliction

"Even when they're healthy, they're sick with lust."

- Federico Licsi Espino Jr., afflicted poet

Foreboding

I received this SMS: "Sometimes I wish that I have never seen you and have never met you. This is not because I don't like you, neither because I hate you. It's just that I've felt fear that one day, I may lose you."

My reply: "How can you lose something you've never had?"

The reply: "What do you mean? Am I just a trick to you? I thought you were for real. I did love you."

That just does it for me. I never liked drama queens.

I replied: "I cannot love you."

"Why can't you love me?"

"I just can't."

"You're a jerk."

"Oh yea. I thought I had established that at hello."

"Go to hell."

"I will."

"You scumbag. I knew you were trouble for me."

"I am. Bye."

I remembered putting off the phone. What's the point?

Must I reveal myself as Dencio Padilla? Will that make me be understood?

I never dig hysteria. This was too much.

The world revives.

Empty

Life's but
A walking shadow,
A poor player
That struts itself and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more.

- William Shakespeare

Ready. Get set. Game.

Likas na sa pagiging Pilipino ang competitiveness.


Mahilig sa sports lalu na sa basketball. Bawat purok, may liga ata ng basketball. Mahilig sa contests -- tuwing fiesta, laging may amateur singing contest, dance contest, Mutya ng Bayan, Miss Gay, biggest kalabasa, most tambuk na bangus, best in home decor...lahat ng maisip ni Mayor na pwedeng ipa-contest, ginagawa sa plaza. At talaga namang patok na patok ang mga ito sa mga constituents nya. For reelection na siya for sure.


Sa TV shows, top rating ang mga gameshows. Extended ang Singing Bee. Third season na ng Deal or No Deal. Nakailang reformat na ang GAME K N B? Binuhay ang career ni Arnel Ignacio. Favorite pa rin ang Pera o Bayong at Laban o Bawi. Basta may contest, tuwang-tuwa ang viewing public. Hep,hep, hurrah (pronounced as ep, ep, uray)!


Sa mga umpukan, in typical male banter fashion, may competition din. Payabangan. Mas matindi, mas grabe, mas marami, yun ang panalo. Tipong, sasabihin ng isa na ang lolo niya ay ganito. Sasagot ang isa pa ng, wala kayo sa lolo ko kase mas ganito siya. Sa pangatlong magsasalita, kailangang walang kwenta yung dalawa, sasabihin niyang, ganyan lang pala ang mga lolo niyo, ang lolo ko ay ganito at ganyan. Punchline. Basta siya ang panalo sa usapan. Esmyuskee?

Everyone: NGEK!

Kahit sa usapin ng sex, walang gustong patalo. The longer the better, the weirder the better, the kinkier the better, the more the merrier ang winning entry. Lamangan parati. Ipamukha na small time lang sila lahat dahil ikaw ay this and that and so much more. As in super so much more talaga.

Ang Pinoy pa!

Syempre hindi rin papatalo ang Dencio Padilla. Ang masasabi ko lang...

One sentence lang.

DP: Well, let's just say, I've been around...

Enough said.

TV Plug ng Buhay Ko

"Ano ang nasa dako pa roon...?
Bunga ng malikot na pag-iisip?
Likha ng balintataw
O halaw sa daigdig ng kababalaghan?
Di kayang ipaliwanag,
Ngunit alam mong nagaganap. (Aaaaaahhhhhh....)"

If my life were a TV show, I'd borrow the opening credits of Pinoy Thriller for my plug. Nah, my life is not a horror show. I've just done a lot of horrific, horrible things... I've fallen madly in love a lot of times. That brought out the monster in me. I was never sane. Was always mad. On hindsight, I realize love is insane. A mad experience. To paraphrase My Favorite Bitch, what would be the point of falling in love sanely?

Tama siya.

Kakabaliw talaga ang pag-ibig.
Masarap na masakit.
Madali na mahirap.
Tama ngunit mali pala.
Mali subalit tama rin naman.
Mabuti pero masama rin.
Di talaga tama pero pinipilit na itama.
Nakamamatay pero alam mong ito lamang ang surest sign na patuloy kang nabubuhay sa mundong ibabaw na ito.

Pag-ibig,
pag-ibig,
pag-ibig.
Hay.

Horror? Di kaya.
Soap ito.