Saturday, August 22, 2009

Gratitude



With the recent events I see on TV, I couldn't help but be grateful about a lot of things. I have always had the propensity to dwell on what's lacking and absent; and failed to see the blessings I have in my life:

1. my Mum who's my number 1 supporter, defender, troubleshooter all rolled in one;
2. my kid sister who's like a barkada of sort now;
3. my family and relatives;
4. all my loyal friends;
5. my job (in spite of...); and
6. for being loved.


I am also grateful for the opportunities to read good books, watch good films (and DL 'em too LOL), see good theater plays, travel, eat good food, for laughter, for good conversations with people, for great ideas...

The proverbial cup overflows.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

C for Coronel



Dahil nga favorite ako ng mga upperclassmen noong high school ako, sila mga naging kabarkada ko kahit freshman lang ako. Itong si Coronel, taga-senior class, masungit. Ayaw ata sa kin. Minsan na lang ako pansinin eh pinapahiya ako. Wala naman akong kasalanan sa kanya. Siya lang bukod-tangi sa senior class na kinaiinisan ako. Ang sa akin lang, wala naman akong kasalanan sa kanya. Di ko maintindihan kung bakit mabigat ang dugo niya sa akin.

Isang gabi, lights out na sa dorm, bigla na lang may lumapit sa kin sa bed. Si Coronel. Aba nakikipagkwentuhan ang loko. Close pala kami. May nakain ata at nag-iba ihip ng hangin. Sinakyan ko lang ang trip niya.

The next day, laking gulat ko dahil di na naman siya namamansin, at tinitignan pa ko ng masama. May topak ata. Confirmed. Hinayaan ko na lang sa trip niya. Kung ayaw niya eh di wag.

Nagpatuloy ang ganoong eksena sa amin. Enemies by day, friends by night.

One afternoon, niyaya ako ni Coronel na pumunta sa rooftop ng dorm. Doon kami sa side na mahirap makita pero kapag may umakyat naman ay malalaman naming kagad. Strategic location.

Tinanong niya ako if I know how to masturbate. What was I to say? Di ba nakakahiya yon? Sabi ng pari sa Values Ed class namin, the act is selfish. Wag daw gawin. Kaya sabi ko kay Coronel na di ko ginagawa yon. Tuturuan daw niya ako. Binaba niya ang shorts niya sa harap ko, he exposed himself to me. Siyempre napatingin ako dahil malaki yung kanya, mataba din compared to mine. He was six foot tall kase. He started stroking it with his left hand. He was telling me, “Ganito lang yan. Ganito gawin mo.” Dagdag pa niya, “Para tumangkad ka at maraming chicks ang lalapit sayo”.

He suddenly pulled down my shorts and reached for mine. He started stroking it too with his right hand. I felt uneasy and awkward. I was confused between pleasure and shame. He got my left hand and put it on to his. I looked into his eyes and he gave me a nod as if asking me to return the favor. I hesitated a bit but I obliged.

Pagkatapos non, di na kami nagpansinan. Di na rin siya pumunta kapag lights off sa bed ko para makipagkwentuhan. I never bothered to ask why or what’s the matter. I had other friends naman; he had his, kaya ok lang. Ganun lang siguro talaga.

On hindsight, naisip ko kung nahiya ba siya sa ginawa niya? O nagsisi kaya? He was sixteen then, and I was thirteen. He had more of the burden of guilt. I guess I’ll really never know.

Balita ko, pari na raw ngayon si Coronel.