Friday, December 19, 2008

Busy Bee Me

busy bee.

will be posting soon.

hope i could write over the holidays.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Trick of Fate : from Trick the movie

It's That Time

The blues have settled in...

Let me drown in this mania for a while.

Must snap out of it soon.

The soonest.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Soap and Sap

"Mahal mo ba ako?"

"Di ko alam."

"I guess you'll never know."


I cringe.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The One and First

Crabcake is the first person to ever ask me about getting married. Aside from this being very flattering, it just feels great to be asked and considered for marriage. What makes this extra-special is the fact that it happened when we haven't been together long enough. And yet Crabcake thought of marrying me. Ain't our love grand?

I'm thinking, maybe, the whole idea of marriage just felt right at that time. The gravity of love doesn't depend on the length of time of togetherness. The intensity is rooted on the genuineness of feelings, of the love for each other.

Crabcake and I felt real love for each other after days of talking and getting to know each other. We were in love. We knew it.

One just knows. One doesn't have to spend an eternity to validate his feelings for a person.

I felt Crabcake was THE ONE for me. Crabcake knew I was THE ONE for him too. We were for keeps. We wanted to get married...and grow old together.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Anthem of Love

I wanna make you smile
Whenever you're sad.
Carry you around
When your arthritis is bad.
All I wanna do,
Is grow old with you.

I'll get your medicine
When your tummy aches.
Build you a fire
If the furnace breaks.
So it could be so nice,
Growing old with you.

I'll miss you,
Kiss you.
Give you my coat
When you are cold.
Need you,
Feed you,
Even let you hold
The remote control.

So let me do the dishes
In our kitchen sink.
Put you to bed
When you've had too much
To drink.
Oh I could be the man
Who grows old with you.

I wanna grow old with you.

Always and forever, Crabcake.

Monday, September 8, 2008

May 14, 2006

INT. Bedroom. Half past eleven in the evening.

My cell phone rings.

I pick up and say, "Hello."

I hear, "I love you."

The caller hangs up.

I would have wanted to say, "I love you too." But all there was were those three words. Nothing else.

Outside, darkness hovered the night sky.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Sappy but True

If ever you
if you
my soul,
you do.

Since I met you
I'm not the same.
You bring life
to everything
I do.
Just the way
you say
with one
I can't
let go.

I'd fall
in love

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

There's something about the -ber months that excites me.

I'm dying in anticipation.

The Affliction

"Even when they're healthy, they're sick with lust."

- Federico Licsi Espino Jr., afflicted poet

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


I received this SMS: "Sometimes I wish that I have never seen you and have never met you. This is not because I don't like you, neither because I hate you. It's just that I've felt fear that one day, I may lose you."

My reply: "How can you lose something you've never had?"

The reply: "What do you mean? Am I just a trick to you? I thought you were for real. I did love you."

That just does it for me. I never liked drama queens.

I replied: "I cannot love you."

"Why can't you love me?"

"I just can't."

"You're a jerk."

"Oh yea. I thought I had established that at hello."

"Go to hell."

"I will."

"You scumbag. I knew you were trouble for me."

"I am. Bye."

I remembered putting off the phone. What's the point?

Must I reveal myself as Dencio Padilla? Will that make me be understood?

I never dig hysteria. This was too much.

The world revives.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

A Beginning and An End

I said, "Hi."
I said, "Hello."
You only sighed
And looked


I said,
"See you later,
You replied,
"After never,


(para kay Crabcake)

Sa tunay na nag-iibigan,
walang dapat paalam.

Walang pagkalas,
walang paglisan.

Sa tunay na umiibig,
walang dapat pumipigil.

Walang lihim,
walang kinikimkim.

Sa tunay na pagmamahalan,
walang dapat mamagitan.

Walang karamdaman,
walang kamatayan.


Saturday, August 23, 2008

Bakit Crabcake?

As we were getting to know each other, we both discovered that we have a liking for crabs. They are our to-die-for favorite food. We want them steamed so the organic taste remains supreme and paramount. Yummy.

Postscript: Yes Crabcake, I'll make himay for you. The way you like it. I know how. You'll get all the meat and the aligue.


None of the truest things in life - like love or faith - was arrived at by thinking. Indeed, one could almost define the things that mattered as the ones that come as sudden as thunder.
I will never forget that morning in January of 2006. It was the day of victory for the Pacman; the start of his winning streak. It was also the day I would be victorious over life and love. Finally, the stars in the universe have realigned and the cosmos has decided to deliver a gift.

It would be today that I'd meet the one that would be The One in my life. The love of my life. My Crabcake.

Soundtrack: That after all the lonely years, the searching everywhere...

It started with an anonymous text:

21 m, 5'11", gymfit, mestizo here. what's yours?

I never really paid attention to it. Why should I? It could've been a missent message. Or a prank. Worse, it may be a ploy to dish out nasty stuff from me and use these for blackmail. I've seen too many conspiracy movies. Paranoia is my life.

But as the cosmos had a grand plan, at midday, I broke out from my recluse shell and replied:

who's this?

He explained how he just randomly punched in my mobile number, that he had nothing to do, and he wanted to be friends...This exchange of text messages would culminate in a long phone call where we tried to present and validate each other's histories, seemingly a pre-requisite ritual to call ourselves "friends" ... until we got tired and felt sleepy.

* * *

I remembered my self laughing a boisterous laughter and Crabcake's distinct giggle that was pure and innocent and beautiful. It was pleasantly reassuring that this was real; he was real. We were for real no matter what.

I laid awake for hours. I couldn't sleep. I was happy. I was excited. I was hopeful. I felt magic.

* * *

A friend once sent me this SMS: "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

Postscript: I still dream a lot about you, Crabcake. I do. All the time, I am awake and waiting for you to come.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

My Theory of (D)evolution

I see my reflection on the mirror. The image I see is familiar but I do not recognize him. The articulate eyes give it away. Their zest and energy have turned into twin pools of somber and lethargy. The innocence lost, replaced by concupiscence.

A lot has happened to this canvass of a face over time. The pale lines and the iridescent scars say it all. The boyish streaks of demeanor have faded. The hues of a once charming, youthful spectacle of a face have turned into a tired, embittered expression of doom. The lightness of good looks now disfigured. The shadows of ugliness have made manifest.

To behold this is disturbing.

I am shattered.

I resolve to remember what happened. Unless I remember, I will not understand why this is now. But to remember is to dig up old graves long forgotten. It is to open wounds long ignored, to invoke evil spirits long cast away. I have lived beneath the clouds of pretense, under the umbrella of a whim that I have moved on. But in reality I have not. My past haunts me. It cripples me. It catches up with me and I cannot move and walk towards the future. The truth is, I have been a wobbling wounded person all this time. I limp. I stumble. I may have licked my wounds and pretended to walk but no true healing ever took place. Pain has crept into my being and became unbearable.

I remember that line from Antonia’s Line: “It is not true that time heals all wounds. It just softens the pain and blurs the memory.”

The veneer of normalcy has got to cease. My wounds need redressing. I need to mend this brokenness and maybe, hopefully, forgive myself in the process. To become well and probably whole again. That is my redemption. I know, this will be an arduous telltale.

“Begin.”, I said.

I know he won’t stop until he is heard.

And he goes to the closet and brings out the skeletons he has hidden for years.

He begins, “It was the best time of the year and it was the worst time of the year.”

Sunday, August 10, 2008


Life's but
A walking shadow,
A poor player
That struts itself and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more.

- William Shakespeare

Never Say Never

I'm posting the lyrics of Trick of Fate, written by David Friedman, sung by Valerie Pinkston for the movie Trick.

I never thought I'd find someone like you
Though in my every fantasy I saw you everyday

I thought there was no way - to make my dream come true

I always thought that I would be alone

Afraid to dream that anyone was ever gonna see

The love inside of me - but how could I have known

A trick of fate would bring us together

A trick of fate would alter our lives

We had to wait it seemed like forever

But never say never to a trick of fate

What were the chances I'd be here with you

That after all the lonely years of searching everywhere

I'd turn and you'd be there - from clear, out of the blue

Our lives are in the hands of destiny

And though we try to take control
That's not the way it goes - a higher power knows

How it's supposed to be

A trick of fate brought us together

A trick of fate altered our lives

We had to wait it seemed like forever

But never say never to a trick of fate

And now, something has begun - something very new

And suddenly the future's looking bright

Somehow when two hearts beat as one, fairy tales come true

And anything seems possible tonight

A trick of fate brought us together
A trick of fate altered our lives

We had to wait it seemed like forever

But never say never to a trick of fate

It just goes to show
That you never know
Where love's gonna grow
It's a trick of fate

Understanding this song, I couldn't help but think about Crabcake. My Crabcake. Our meeting may have been like a trick, but in our hearts, we know it is the real thing.

We were for real.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Sweet Nothings

I remember succinctly this pitch I delivered to a group of young people about finding The One.

(Shrills heard. Excited ang mga leche basta lovelife at paglalandi ang topic.)

I think I was talking about the relevance of nonverbal communication when I segued into that moment when one feels that he could sit on a bench the whole day with someone and talk about nothing. Yea, just sit together and talk about nothing, and then part ways and feel that what happened was the best conversation you've had with someone.

(Am reading "DUH!" on their eyes. Must be morons. Still I persist.)

I mean, words are very powerful tools. Remember the adage about sticks and stones breaking the bones but words breaking another's heart? We go through our basic education trying to read and write and speak properly. We study English and Filipino until college. We struggle to master Grammar/Balarila and Rhetorics/Retorika. We may even take up a foreign language or two. All in the name of becoming adept in articulation. Also , we have an abundance of literary pieces. Plus the proliferation of blogs, di ba? Words convey meaning. They have power.

But I was thinking, what if we all ran out of things to say, what if we grow speechless at one moment...or what if we were able to say and write all ideas already...? What then?

(Silence. No reaction. Mga jologs ata...ayaw ng literary eclat.)

I couldn't help but think of my teacher in college, in my Pilosopiya ng Tao class, when he kept saying when he ran out of things to discuss as the bell hasn't rung yet: "Kapag nasabi na ang lahat ng masasabi, ang mahalaga ay di pa rin masasabi." I'm thinking, marahil ito ay magagawa at mararamdaman o maipadarama lamang. But that's just me.

(More listlessness. Was that a yawn? And a another yawn? Ampootah, interesting naman topic ko ah.)

To land on a better terrain of familiarity and solicit any sign of comprehension from my catatonic audience, I mentioned the theme song of my favorite Julia Roberts movie, Notting Hill. Yeah, that cheesecake song, "When You Say Nothing At All." Hey, I had to drive a point on nonverbal communication!

(Faces light up. They dig schmaltz. As if.)

My parting shot: Paraphrasing the song, a smile, a look, a touch can express a lot. Words may not be spoken at all but surely with these, one can tell a lot. And say it with me: "You say it best, when you say nothing at all."

(Screams let out. Some clapping. Mush sells.)

Flashback: Oh yea, the last scene of the film was Hugh Grant sitting on a bench and Julia Roberts lying on his lap, and they were saying nothing at all...LOL.

I rest my case. Roll credits.

Postscript: I could spend an eternity with Crabcake on a bench and exchange sweet nothings with him. Yea, Crabcake was The One for me.

Trick of Fate

I have a good friend from way back who made me watch the movie, Trick. The story which happens in a day's time is about two guys who meet in a train. Attraction develops instantly and both decide to make out . (Hence, the title.) But the gods of gay love have other plans as the couple couldn't get it on with each other (LOL). They become confronted by a myriad of personalities (led by the faghag bestfriend) who are merely ploys to stop them from a one night stand that should have been over hours ago. What ensues is like a comedy of errors of sort with no making out in sight...Not yet at least.

This movie by Jim Fall is deliriously funny. The banter is witty, the songs and the singing riotously entertaining. I was so entertained that I've watched it a lot of times. I've been fascinated by movies that happen in 24 hours. I wanna write a screenplay with the same time line, but I am digressing already. Little did I know that my repetitive viewing of Trick is a prelude to the two most important encounters of my life.

Each of them came like an unexpected trick. Enter you...voila it's Crabcake!

Then Skyflakes.

Tricks of fate indeed.

Postscript: I fell in love with the movie's theme song, Trick of Fate. Nicely written lyrics. Maybe schmaltz for others but hey, it's "soul" music to me.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008


I received this text message from a new acquaintance:

"Frustrating realizations: u find d PERFECT LOVE, but in a WRONG TIME. u find the PERFECT PERSON, but he/she in NOT inluv w/u. u find the PERFECT ONE, but must be LOYAL 2 SUM1 ELSE. u got the PERFECT LOOKS, but NO 1 takes u seriously. u met d PERFECT PERSONALITY, but ur bound to BE JUST FRIENDS. u got BRAINS, but got a FRAIL HEART. u find the COURAGE, but its JUST 2 LATE. ur READY TO LOVE, but u DONT KNOW where to start."

Pinaparinggan ata ako. Di raw forwarded message; ginawa raw niya. Kinukulit ako ng sagot o reaction daw. Wala akong balak. Anong sasabihin ko? Hindi ata niya ako kilala. Ako si DENCIO PADILLA. I am dense, I tend not to feel.

C'est la vie.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Ready. Get set. Game.

Likas na sa pagiging Pilipino ang competitiveness.

Mahilig sa sports lalu na sa basketball. Bawat purok, may liga ata ng basketball. Mahilig sa contests -- tuwing fiesta, laging may amateur singing contest, dance contest, Mutya ng Bayan, Miss Gay, biggest kalabasa, most tambuk na bangus, best in home decor...lahat ng maisip ni Mayor na pwedeng ipa-contest, ginagawa sa plaza. At talaga namang patok na patok ang mga ito sa mga constituents nya. For reelection na siya for sure.

Sa TV shows, top rating ang mga gameshows. Extended ang Singing Bee. Third season na ng Deal or No Deal. Nakailang reformat na ang GAME K N B? Binuhay ang career ni Arnel Ignacio. Favorite pa rin ang Pera o Bayong at Laban o Bawi. Basta may contest, tuwang-tuwa ang viewing public. Hep,hep, hurrah (pronounced as ep, ep, uray)!

Sa mga umpukan, in typical male banter fashion, may competition din. Payabangan. Mas matindi, mas grabe, mas marami, yun ang panalo. Tipong, sasabihin ng isa na ang lolo niya ay ganito. Sasagot ang isa pa ng, wala kayo sa lolo ko kase mas ganito siya. Sa pangatlong magsasalita, kailangang walang kwenta yung dalawa, sasabihin niyang, ganyan lang pala ang mga lolo niyo, ang lolo ko ay ganito at ganyan. Punchline. Basta siya ang panalo sa usapan. Esmyuskee?

Everyone: NGEK!

Kahit sa usapin ng sex, walang gustong patalo. The longer the better, the weirder the better, the kinkier the better, the more the merrier ang winning entry. Lamangan parati. Ipamukha na small time lang sila lahat dahil ikaw ay this and that and so much more. As in super so much more talaga.

Ang Pinoy pa!

Syempre hindi rin papatalo ang Dencio Padilla. Ang masasabi ko lang...

One sentence lang.

DP: Well, let's just say, I've been around...

Enough said.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

TV Plug ng Buhay Ko

"Ano ang nasa dako pa roon...?
Bunga ng malikot na pag-iisip?
Likha ng balintataw
O halaw sa daigdig ng kababalaghan?
Di kayang ipaliwanag,
Ngunit alam mong nagaganap. (Aaaaaahhhhhh....)"

If my life were a TV show, I'd borrow the opening credits of Pinoy Thriller for my plug. Nah, my life is not a horror show. I've just done a lot of horrific, horrible things... I've fallen madly in love a lot of times. That brought out the monster in me. I was never sane. Was always mad. On hindsight, I realize love is insane. A mad experience. To paraphrase My Favorite Bitch, what would be the point of falling in love sanely?

Tama siya.

Kakabaliw talaga ang pag-ibig.
Masarap na masakit.
Madali na mahirap.
Tama ngunit mali pala.
Mali subalit tama rin naman.
Mabuti pero masama rin.
Di talaga tama pero pinipilit na itama.
Nakamamatay pero alam mong ito lamang ang surest sign na patuloy kang nabubuhay sa mundong ibabaw na ito.


Horror? Di kaya.
Soap ito.

Sunday, July 13, 2008


Sa walang humpay na promo ng isang up and coming na teleserye, namemorize ko na ang lyrics ng theme song nito:

"Sa dinami-dami ng aking minahal,
Kung sino-sino ang umibig sa akin,
Iisa pa lamang ang binabalikan,
Alaala ng kahapo'y pinabayaan.

Sa dinami-dami ng aking nakapiling,
Panandalian lamang at ilang ang nagtagal,
Iisa pa lamang ang inaasam-asam,
Ang nakalipas di maaring balikan..."

Naging LSS ko na 'to. Nakarepeat mode sa cerebrum ko. At parang soundtrack ng montage scene sa isang pelikula, nagflashback lahat ng affairs ko...lahat ng mga long term, short term, no terms, at ang kaisa-isang hindi makakalimutan kahit kailan. Ang nag-iisa, ang natatanging pag-ibig na nagpabago ng buhay ko. My one great love. The love of my life.

"At kahit iba na ang minamahal mo,
Kung sinoman ang siyang may-ari ng 'yong puso,
Ang bawat pangalan, kalaro, kaibigan,
Iisa pa lamang,
Iisa pa lamang,
Ang minahal ko nang ganito."

Gusto ko lang malaman mo na kahit malayo ka man, malapit ka pa rin dahil narito ka lang sa puso ko (at sa puson na rin). Hinding-hindi kita malilimutan. Mahal kita. Mahal na mahal.

Salamat, salamat sa lahat. Salamat.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

tango #5

one lazy Friday afternoon, while having dessert and coffee with a friend, may nakita akong dating kakilala. di ko naman siya pinapansin nuon. ako nga si dencio di ba? friend sya ng friend ko, eh ginago nya friend ko. natural hindi ko siya gusto maging friend kahit obvious na nagpapapansin. pag binibisita nya ang friend ko at nariyan ako, hindi ako lumalabas para makihalubilo...may pagkamasokista kase ang friend ko. miss congeniality. kahit ginagago na siya eh nice pa rin. am not like that. palagi ko sinasabihan pero pasaway siya, ayun laging ineentertain pa rin ang ogag na yun.

cut to: after a year, may nagview sa friendster account ko at nagmessage pa. siya. ang kapal. sinusumbatan ako dahil suplado raw ako...ewan ko ba, nagreply naman ako. katangahan #1. siguro sikat non si lucky manzano. kase kamukha niya. ayun, nagcorrespondence kami sa friendster. opo, nakipagflirt ako sa mga email, text messages, mms. katangahan #2. sorry, tao lang po. (flashback: si lea salonga sa bakit labis kitang mahal: "pasensya ka na dahil hindi mo ko katulad na napakaperfecccttt!") at lahat ng ito ay tinago sa kaibigan ko...pero nalaman din niya somehow. alam ko sumama loob niya. pinagpalit ko friendship namin sa pakikipagflirt. pero that's another topic.

nawala na lang bigla ang flirtation namin. natigil. nagkalimutan na nga eh. all for the best siguro. cut to: present, coffeshop. palabas na siya with his take-out at nakita niya ko. on reflex, i stood up and extended my hand. exchange of pleasantries. he was in a hurry. he asked for my number, at binigay ko naman. katangahan #3. then he took off already. after a minute, he texted and told me that it was him. next text was "cute mo pa rin". ampootah, flirt talaga. of course, ang reply ko --- ang walang kamatayang, official reply ng walang masabi at playing safe, isang smiley. wahahaha. yun lang. pero teka lang, be ready for katangahan #4. we carried out this flirtation again over the weekend. he called me up several times. hay gulay!!!! sinakyan ko pa ang mga plans niya na magkita one of these days and bond! as if! bond daw! di naman james ang first name ko. haha, corny, sorry.

trobol na naman. patay. bakit kase na out of character si dencio eh? katangahan #5.

Monday, April 28, 2008

trobol talaga


yan ang madalas kong pasukan. dala ng aking kapusukan at kamusmusan. yup, on hindsight, napakaimpulsive ko, at "I was too young..." (sagot ka: "but that's no excuse..."). hindi ako nag-iisip kase. ang mental acrobatics ng brain cells ko ay confined sa classroom at discussions among friends. pero kapag libog na umiiral, ang ulo sa ibaba ang nasusunod. nawawalan ako ng sense and reason. sabi ng makatang Federico Licsi-Espino, "ang libidong lampa" ang nangingibabaw. natatapilok at nadarapa dahil sa libog ko. ito yung sinasabi ng lawyer-friend ko na, lack of better judgement. gusto ko batukan ang sarili ko at sumigaw ng, "what were you thinking?"

simple lang sana ang buhay ko. stick to your partner. wag na magpacute. wag na makipagflirt. wag na mag-entertain. na out of character si dencio padilla dahil sa libog. di na kaya ang maging dense at deadma, at pinatulan ang tukso. yan ang trobol ko. self-inflicted. di kase nag-iisip. ampootah kaseng libog eh. nakakalampa. alam ko ang dapat gawin pero hindi pa rin nagagawa. easier said than done. ayan, in trobol ako tuloy.

sabi ng mga kaibigan ko, i have a knack for complicating things. yung simple lang ay ginagawa kong komplikado daw. mahilig ako magpahirap ng mga bagay-bagay. kaya ayan lagi akong in trobol.

trobol talaga ito.

Monday, April 14, 2008

nasa DNA strand

sabi ni mommydear, bata pa lang daw ako ay marami nang nagsasabi na cute daw ako. tuwing hapon, uupo kami sa hagdanan ng bahay na malapit sa kalye. kapag dumadaan ang mga kapitbahay namin ay sinasabihan akong pogi, sabay lapit sa kin at kinukurot ang pisngi ko. siyempre, sasabihin ni mommydear na "pwera usog". mahirap na di ba? wala namang mawawala kung sabihin yon. the point is, bata pa lang ako, kinagigiliwan na ko.

nung elementary ako, marami pa ring nagsasabi kay mommydear na ang gwapo naman ng anak mo tuwing kasama niya ako sa school, sa simbahan, sa palengke. sinasabi nila, "pag laki niyang anak mo, naku, maraming sisiraing babae yan". nariirinig ko iyan nang madalas. pati sa mga tito at tita, narinig ko na yan ng ilang beses.

sa school, lagi akong nasa harapan pag may presentation. pinipili ng mga teacher pag may programs sa school. nung sinayaw namin ang "Putting on the Ritz", ako ang nasa harapan. sa recital namin ng poetry, nasa harap ako. sa mga field demo at group singing, nilalagay ako sa harap. magaling naman akong sumayaw at kumanta noon, pero sa tingin ko, dahil ito sa face value. ang gwapo ay ilagay sa harap.

nung highschool, ganun pa rin. sa schoolplays namin, maganda role ko parati, kung di man ako bida. nasa harapan pa rin. unang pinipili. unang binibigyan ng role. gwapo kasi ako. cutey. Q5. naranasan ko yung tilian. yung makatanggap ng fanmail at loveletters. pati nga proposition na maging boyfriend ako, nakatanggap ako. gwaping kasi. naging crush ng bayan. maraming nakapansin. maraming nagpakilala. headturner daw. ang swerte ko talaga. salamat sa genes nina mommydear at daddydear.

i got mileage for being goodlooking. not bad. pero dahil din dito, gumulo ang buhay ko. mahirap pala talaga ang maging gwapo. lalu na kung alam mo na gwapo ka. tsk, tsk.

trobol ito.

dense si dencio padilla

ako si dencio padilla...i am accused of being dense. callous daw, uncaring, indifferent.

in short, deadma. deadma sa mga bagay-bagay. flat affect. NVR, not NR. no visible reaction. walang pakialam. ma at pa. weno ngayon, sabi nga nila. weno nga ba ngayon? anong pakialam ko? problema mo? care ko. deadma.

instinct for self-preservation siguro. may magagawa ba ko kung magngangangawa ako? babalik ba sya kung umiyak ako ng dugo? eh kung isigaw ko kaya ang pangalan nya for 1 hour, walang patid, mawawala ba ang sakit? kung maghungerstrike ba ko ng isang dekada, will you see me in a different light? hindi di ba? ganun pa rin yun. wala nang magbabago. ang nakaraan ay alaala na lamang. kaya bakit pa mag-eemote? bakit sad songs pa ang OST? hindi ako masokista. deadma na lang.

sa loob ng twentysomething kong buhay, pakiramdam ko na marami na rin akong pinagdaanan. maraming pinasok na landas. maraming pinagdaanan. marami nang sinuong na mga bagay-bagay. maraming wrong moves.

may regrets, of course! kung sino man yung nagsasabi na walang regrets ay nagsisinungaling...siyempre may isang bahagi ng buhay mo na di mo pipiliing ulitin, isang desisyon na sana hindi mo ginawa. meron yun sa lahat ng tao. mamatay man ako, meron talagang regrets. yung tipong, how you wished you did things differently. meron yun talaga. o kaya, on hindsight ba, gusto mo sapukin ang sarili mo at sabihing, what the hell was i thinking? marami akong nais baguhin, maraming nais ituwid pero wala namang time machine eh. ganun talaga. nangyari ang dapat mangyari. pinili mo ang gusto mong piliin.

sa isang banda, tama rin ang mga tagapagtaguyod ng "no regrets movement", kase we are who we are because of the choices we have made. hindi ako ganito kung di ako nagkamali noon. ganon. tama naman di ba? i can think this way dahil sa mga nagawa ko at nangyari sa buhay ko noon.

pero di panghabambuhay na pwedeng maging dencio padilla. kailangang harapin ang sarili. harapin ang mga multo ng nakaraan. sa ganitong paraan, i can move on.

kaya siguro kahit di na uso ang blog ay eto ako at nagsisimulang magblog.

marami akong gustong ikwento. babalikan ang nakaraan para maituwid ang ngayon at mapaganda ang bukas.

ako si dencio padilla, at ito ang kwento ng buhay-pag-ibig ko.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

ako si dencio padilla.

ako si dencio padilla.
male, late twenty something.
pinanganak sa central luzon.
nang teenager na ay na-expose na sa buhay sa Maynila.
stats : medium built, fair skinned to mestizo, smooth, clean, may porma at dating, goodlooking. laking pasalamat ko sa genes ni mama at papa.
at marahil, dahil diyan, ako ay nagkaroon ng samu't saring karanasan sa larangan ng pakikipagrelasyon...

oo, ako ay isang loverboy. naging lover, bf, fb, fuck buddy, tripper, katrip, kasexmate, kagerger, ka-fubu, kachukchak, boytoy, keptman, kachuchu, kabit, kalakudidang, jowa, thirdparty, kabit, kasali, kasalo ... call it what you want pero yun talaga ako. nainvolve sa maraming tao. nainlove, nakipagsex, nakipagtripping, nakialam, nakisawsaw, nakipaglokohan, nakipagmabutihan, nanloko, nagpaloko, niloko, nagmahal, minahal, iniwan, nang-iwan, pinaiyak, nagpaiyak, pinaligaya, nagpaligaya.

ako si dencio padilla.
i am who i am.
eto ang kwento ko.