Sunday, November 22, 2009
How times have changed.
Before when two people would meet, they would go out first, get to know each other, and then decide if they wanna enter into relationship. After which, they would be intimate with each other.
Now, people meet up using false names and identity , and then hit the sack right away. After getting laid, they decide whether to get to know each other or move on to another hook-up.
C'est la vie.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I remember getting this proposal through text:
"We can never be at peace and happy here. Dalhin kita sa Australia, malayo dito sa 'Pinas. Delikado ka kasing maiwan dito. Ayaw ko maagaw ka. Dun ka lang, i'll work tapos hintayin mo lang ako sa love nest natin. Bubuhayin kita. Magiging happy tayo dun."
My reaction: "LOL."
Monday, September 28, 2009
While driving southbound, bigla na lang nagflashback sa akin ang mga taong nasabihan ko ng "NO"...
As I am writing this, I realize na two letters lang pala ang salitang NO pero napakapowerful nito. May kapangyarihan itong mangwasak ng mga pangarap, manakit ng mga damdamin, at marahil, mag-iwan pa ng sugat na sagad hanggang kaluluwa.
Hindi ko sinasadya. Hindi ko ginusto...Yeah right.
Hindi ako nagsasabi ng katotohanan...
May mga instances siguro na sinadya ko, kase naman clingy na. Ayaw ko nang ganun. Ang usapan, "trip" lang. Pag gusto lang, pag horny lang. Walang pilitan, walang expectations. Kung one night lang eh wala nang extension yun. Pag ganun, bad trip yun. Ayaw ko na, kaya "NO" na lang sa lahat.
Meron naman feeling BF kagad. Nag-eemote na; feeling may hold na sayo...Kailangang sabihan na rin ng "NO".
Alam ko masakit , but I just had to say NO para matigil na ang pretense, ang charade, ang trip na kunwari may feelings. Mas ok na ang one hard blow kesa i-prolong pa ang agony. Mas masakit ata yun in the long run.
I'm just sorry. I had to do it. For your sake. For world peace.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Si Dennis David ay classmate ko noong grade school. Naging close kami dahil sa aming pangalan. Lagi kaming magkasunod sa pila o magkagrupo - David apelyido niya , ako Dencio ahihihi.
So habang nakatayo sa pila, o magkagrupo sa isang project, lagi kaming nagkukuwentuhan. Si Dennis ay isa sa mga jocks ng class. Malaking bulas, tisoy, gwapo. Athlete na pambato ng class sa sports. Ako naman 'yung nerd type non. Pang-quiz bee lang ako. Parang opposites kami. Kung siya yung malaking bulas, ako naman yung late bloomer. Pero surprisingly, naging magkaibigan kami.
Naaalala ko yung mga pilyong kwentuhan namin with other classmates habang ginagawa yung picket fence for Work Education. Kwentuhan about kung sinong pinakamaraming pubic hair. Kung sinong nagmamasturbate na. Kung sinong nakahalik na sa isang babaeng classmate namin. Kung sinong di na virgin. Yung typical male banter among curious, young boys. Dahil ako yung nerdy type, my classmates felt uneasy discussing these things when I'm around. Tahimik lang ako madalas. But Dennis kept reaching out to me, explaining things, including me in the conversation, etc. May konting alam naman ako non kahit papaano. But Dennis was kind enough to make me feel that I belong to the group. I don't know why he did this, maybe he was just really nice as a person.
One time, after our P.E. class, while we were all dressing up in the lockerroom, Dennis asked me to wait for him. Sinauli nya kase yung mga bola na ginamit namin kaya ngayon lang siya magbibihis. Nakaalis na mga classmates ko at ako na lang natira at si Dennis. Kung naaalala ko nang tama, ikinukwento niya sa akin yung balak niya na invite si Elizabeth, ang crush niya na classmate namin sa birthday celebration niya. Nakaupo ako non, at nagsusuot ng black shoes ko habang nagtanggal ng damit pang-itaas si Dennis. Tumambad sa kin ang kanyang kayang maputi at toned na katawan. Athletic kase. Nakita ko rin ang kanyang pink nipples, palibhasa mestiso kase. Kakainggit ang pink nipples niya (my weakness LOL). Nakita ko rin ang armpit hair na napakaganda ng pagtubo. Hay...
Hindi man siguro napansin ni Dennis na napagmasdan ko ang lahat ng iyon sa katawan niya...On hindsight, wala pa kase akong armpit hair non, patpatin ang katawan ko, and my nips were not pink. Talk about contrast or envy siguro di ba?
I don't think I was attracted to Dennis then. (But if you ask me now, kung papatulan ko siya, hell yes!) Hindi ko naman siya pinagnasaan. But those were the first few times I was beginning to be aware about my self, about the effect of other people in relation to me. A part of me was happy about the bond I had with Dennis.
Kumbaga sa literature, parang foil character si Dennis para mahighlight ang aking sariling characterization na nagbubuild-up habang lumalaki ako sa kwento ng aking buhay.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Andami ko pang gusto na ikwento...marami pa, believe me. Pero madalas, ang hirap simulan ng kwento na gusto mo sana makalimutan na at tuluyan nang matapos.
Ang magbaliktanaw ay sadyang masalimuot, mahirap, at nakakabagabag na proseso.
Ngunit mahaba pa ang listahan ko ng pagtatapat...
Soon, my friends, soon.
Of course, I am my own person.
I do as I think. I do as I feel, and I do as I please. I am in control of my life. Life is theater for me. It is my stage play. It is my show. I am the actor. I am the playwright, and I am the director. I plot out my scenes for the day, do the blocking in my mind, and I execute them on the stage that is my life. I make things happen. I am in control. I run the show.
But then sometimes, I slip. I forget my lines. I deviate from my internalization.
I admit to lapses in judgment. I have had tendencies to veer away from my orbit, much to my dismay and disdain.
Such as today.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
With the recent events I see on TV, I couldn't help but be grateful about a lot of things. I have always had the propensity to dwell on what's lacking and absent; and failed to see the blessings I have in my life:
1. my Mum who's my number 1 supporter, defender, troubleshooter all rolled in one;
2. my kid sister who's like a barkada of sort now;
3. my family and relatives;
4. all my loyal friends;
5. my job (in spite of...); and
6. for being loved.
I am also grateful for the opportunities to read good books, watch good films (and DL 'em too LOL), see good theater plays, travel, eat good food, for laughter, for good conversations with people, for great ideas...
The proverbial cup overflows.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Dahil nga favorite ako ng mga upperclassmen noong high school ako, sila mga naging kabarkada ko kahit freshman lang ako. Itong si Coronel, taga-senior class, masungit. Ayaw ata sa kin. Minsan na lang ako pansinin eh pinapahiya ako. Wala naman akong kasalanan sa kanya. Siya lang bukod-tangi sa senior class na kinaiinisan ako. Ang sa akin lang, wala naman akong kasalanan sa kanya. Di ko maintindihan kung bakit mabigat ang dugo niya sa akin.
Isang gabi, lights out na sa dorm, bigla na lang may lumapit sa kin sa bed. Si Coronel. Aba nakikipagkwentuhan ang loko. Close pala kami. May nakain ata at nag-iba ihip ng hangin. Sinakyan ko lang ang trip niya.
The next day, laking gulat ko dahil di na naman siya namamansin, at tinitignan pa ko ng masama. May topak ata. Confirmed. Hinayaan ko na lang sa trip niya. Kung ayaw niya eh di wag.
Nagpatuloy ang ganoong eksena sa amin. Enemies by day, friends by night.
One afternoon, niyaya ako ni Coronel na pumunta sa rooftop ng dorm. Doon kami sa side na mahirap makita pero kapag may umakyat naman ay malalaman naming kagad. Strategic location.
Tinanong niya ako if I know how to masturbate. What was I to say? Di ba nakakahiya yon? Sabi ng pari sa Values Ed class namin, the act is selfish. Wag daw gawin. Kaya sabi ko kay Coronel na di ko ginagawa yon. Tuturuan daw niya ako. Binaba niya ang shorts niya sa harap ko, he exposed himself to me. Siyempre napatingin ako dahil malaki yung kanya, mataba din compared to mine. He was six foot tall kase. He started stroking it with his left hand. He was telling me, “Ganito lang yan. Ganito gawin mo.” Dagdag pa niya, “Para tumangkad ka at maraming chicks ang lalapit sayo”.
He suddenly pulled down my shorts and reached for mine. He started stroking it too with his right hand. I felt uneasy and awkward. I was confused between pleasure and shame. He got my left hand and put it on to his. I looked into his eyes and he gave me a nod as if asking me to return the favor. I hesitated a bit but I obliged.
Pagkatapos non, di na kami nagpansinan. Di na rin siya pumunta kapag lights off sa bed ko para makipagkwentuhan. I never bothered to ask why or what’s the matter. I had other friends naman; he had his, kaya ok lang. Ganun lang siguro talaga.
On hindsight, naisip ko kung nahiya ba siya sa ginawa niya? O nagsisi kaya? He was sixteen then, and I was thirteen. He had more of the burden of guilt. I guess I’ll really never know.
Balita ko, pari na raw ngayon si Coronel.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Noong high school ako, pumasok ako sa isang parang all-boys na boarding school. Typical environment doon - pilyo ang marami, playful, curious, and exploring. Hindi sa pagmamayabang, but I was one of the cutest and popular guys of the freshman class (cute pa rin 'til now, ahihihi) kaya halos lahat ng upperclassmen ay favorite ako.
Si Babur ay sophomore. Kasama siya sa honor roll ng class nila; at magaling sa Math. Nagsama kami sa Math Olympiad contest; siya ang representative ng class nila at ako sa aming class. Sabay kami sa review and coaching. Dahil sa contest na yun, kami ay naging magkaibigan. Panay na ang aming kwentuhan gabi-gabi. Ang saya ng feeling ko dahil pakiramdam ko, nakahanap ako ng tunay na kaibigan. Parang isang kuya. Only boy ako sa family; may ganoong feeling na gusto mo may kuya ka. At si Babur na yun.
Okay na sana ang lahat ngunit isang gabi, naging kakaiba ang aming kwentuhan. Napag-usapan namin ang tungkol sa masturbation, sa kissing, sa pagpapalaki ng size ng ari. I was thirteen; he was fourteen. I guess we were very curious to a fault. Funny thing is, I pretended not to know how to masturbate when in fact I have been doing the act since Grade 5 ( I was 11 or 12 then I think). Oops, too much information hehehe.
Tinuruan ako kunwari ni Babur kung panu magmasturbate. He held mine and stroke it. He asked me to hold his and do the same. And we stroke each other til we came. After that, we became like jerk buddies. Whenever we felt like it, we would masturbate.
Di lang yun ang tinuro sa kin ni Babur. He even taught me how to French kiss...Bigla na lang nangyari yun. Hindi pinlano o pinag-usapan. Marahil dala ng kapusukan at bugso ng damdamin.
Sa totoo lang, enjoy naman nung nangyayari ang lahat ng yun. Pwede ring sabihin na nasasarapan kami kaya naulit ng maraming beses. But little did we know that this was also causing the deterioration of what could have been a genuine friendship and brotherhood. It is difficult if not impossible to be kissing and cumming with a friend. Mali ang equation namin.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love? How
about love? Measure in love.
Seasons of love
525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan.
525,600 minutes - how can you measure the life of a woman or man?
In truths that she
Or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned,
Or the way that she died....
It's time now to sing out,
the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends.
How about love!
How about love! How about love!
Measure in love.
Seasons of love! Seasons of love.
P.S. Clip taken from the film version as there is no decent clip from the Broadway version
Bigla na lang may nagtext sa kin ng lyrics ng "Seasons of Love" mula sa musical na Rent. Eh favorite ko yun...Kaya medyo naintriga ako. Sino kaya itong taong ito na alam yung song na yun. Di naman pop yung song or yung musical. Medyo naging curious ako.
It turns out, nakuha niya ang number through his friend whom I met in a wedding. Kase parang napagkwentuhan namin yung song na yun at yung musical. Nagmagaling at nagkunwaring cupid kaya he gave my number to Alwin.
Matanda sa kin si Alwin. He was in his early 30's ; I was in my 20's. Physically, he was mestizo, clean, smooth. Cutey. On hindsight, napansin ko lang, parang mas nakakarelate ako sa mga matanda sa akin kesa sa mga ka-edad ko. In short, naging ok naman kami. Kumbaga, we hit it off right away.
He's a veterinarian working for an animal health corporation. But he always dabbled in the arts. Yun siguro yung pinagkasunduan namin. He was into photography. He collected comic books and action figures. He likes movies. He was into musicals. Ang dami namin napagkwentuhan. Marami akong nalaman mula sa kanya; at alam ko, marami rin siyang nakuhang kaalaman mula sa akin. Shared interest breeds compatibility.
Halos araw-araw pumupunta siya ng bahay. Medyo effort kase he had to take the NLEX just to see me. I appreciated the gesture of course, plus the fact that enjoy siyang kasama. Kulong lang kami sa car niya, kwentuhan while listening to songs that he wanted me to hear. Minsan pa, he would hold my hand. And then kiss me. Sweet. Parang movie, parang musical. Pero dahil nga ganun, may twist. May conflict. May catch.
May kalive-in partner na pala siya...E di biglang tinapos ko ang movie at ang musical...The end na. Closing credits kagad.
P.S. When I met Alwin, I was also in a relationship. But I wasn't really into the relationship, if you know what I mean. I was willing to lay it all on the line for Alwin...But what the hey, the good ones are always taken. C'est la vie.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
There was this Philosophy teacher in college whose reputation for greatness has always preceded him among all students. His class was the most coveted, the first one to be signed up in full. I never got in; I just read his books in class as required reading for all four semesters of my junior and senior year in college. I know he is great.
Anyway, there's this well-known anecdote about this teacher who taught his Philo class in Filipino. People say that some girl in his class raised her hand and said that she couldn't fully comprehend the subject matter because it was in Filipino. The teacher was infuriated and shouted at her, "Putangina!" Bewildered, the girl was flushed in embarrassment, she was nearly in tears in front of everyone in class. The professor went on to say, "Di ba, mas may impact sa Tagalog?" He walked away.
My point : As I try to unleash my secrets from my Pandora's box, I would be making my cases in point well if I write in Filipino. "Mas feel, mas warm", sabi nga ng isang TVC. Agree naman ako.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
I'm gonna be opening up the Pandora's box on my next post.
Consider it a confession of my sins. I am confessing because I hope for reconciliation with my self. Concupiscence has taken over me. I have gone astray and I need this ritual to be rid of my brokenness, to be one with my self again.
As in the sacrament, I intend to be given absolution. I wanna see the proverbial light at the end of the dark tunnel I am about to enter.
I'm feeling cold. But I am determined.
Oh where are the Muses?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Someone pointed out to me that I never lived up to the premise of this blog, i.e. I never really told the exploits of my pseudo-self, aka Dencio Padilla.
You'll hear from him soon.
Things will unravel.
Events will unfold.
Characters will be named.
Yup. I'm betting my cute tush.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
The holidays haven't been exactly productive. What, with the required reunions and gatherings? How can I even write?
One thing I accomplished though, I repaired severed ties.
As they say, there's "nothing like the holidays."
I'm just procrastinating. I know I have to write soon.